Quotes from Are You There God, It's Me, Ann-Margret?
Lily: Here.
Josh: What is this?
Lily: Your try-out piece.
Josh: And who will I be playing?
Lily: A psychotic teenager.
Josh: Seriously? And I have to audition?
Harrison: Are some kind of doctor or something?
God: No, sweetheart. Doctors just think that they're God, I'm the real thing.
God: I'm only here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Sam: That stuff is snake oil.
Lily: I don't care what it's made out of, I want breasts by Friday.
Josh: You know how things shrink when you get nervous. You remember the swim meet of '97? Oh, God, what am I going to do?
Sugar: Easy, bro, you don't want to overcook your noodle.
God: He's one courageous kid, isn't he?
Harrison: Maybe. Maybe he just doesn't want you to see how scared he really is.
God: Don't confuse yourself with him. That boy has shown remarkable grace under pressure, and that's a sign of true courage.
God: Harrison, you're alive. At this tiny moment in this vast span of eternity, you have the incomparable privilege to exist. Don't waste it.
Joy: Maybe when you talk to your dad you can tell him how I sleep until noon and then toss vodka into my smoothies.
Carmen: Are you? You are not gonna hit me ever again!
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